An Open Letter to Room101

Room 101,

   I, for one, will not be attending your purported ”show” on Wednesday.

     Take it, Molly!

     Glasses

     Shakedown

     Kaploosh

   Many would flex with joy at the line-up, but experience has taught me that if something seems too good to be true…it probably is.

    The reason lies deep in my past.

    When I was 28-years-old I received an e-mail from my dead childhood pet, now in hell (note, it was conspicuously signed “Your Dead Childhood Pet”, but hindsight is 20/20). The electronic message continued that if I sent 20,000 dollars to a listed address my pet would be freed to heaven. I complied.

   I lost that 20,000 dollars, and for all I know Poto is still in hell. IT WAS A SCAM.

   You will forgive me if I don’t come to Hollywood, where you and your weird girlfriend probably are hiding in a bucket to hit me in the head with a cane. Next time, I would advise you concoct a more believable line-up.

                                                                                                           Zun Ladlop