August 31, 2009
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To Whom It May Concern. Nick Mandernach is not a cat, nor is he lost, nor are his whereabouts of concern to you. Also, his name is not Gus. Nick has had to begin carrying a taser gun to feel safe, for fear that feline bounty hunters will abduct him from the street, a bar, even his own home, having mistaken him for a friendly, 1 year old orange and white missing cat with a big fluffy tail because of these misleading flyers. Not to mention cryptozoological prize-hunters who will likely assume Nick is some sort of homotransmorphic cat-monster, perhaps attacking him with crossbows. The authorities have been alerted to your incessant passive aggressive harassment. With legitimate concern, SHAKEDOWN.

To Whom It May Concern.

Nick Mandernach is not a cat, nor is he lost, nor are his whereabouts of concern to you. Also, his name is not Gus.

Nick has had to begin carrying a taser gun to feel safe, for fear that feline bounty hunters will abduct him from the street, a bar, even his own home, having mistaken him for a friendly, 1 year old orange and white missing cat with a big fluffy tail because of these misleading flyers.

Not to mention cryptozoological prize-hunters who will likely assume Nick is some sort of homotransmorphic cat-monster, perhaps attacking him with crossbows.

The authorities have been alerted to your incessant passive aggressive harassment.

With legitimate concern,

SHAKEDOWN.

SHAKEDOWN